Hey I've gotta check your flask

Ah, today the day I fly to LA. For those of you not aware, I traveled to Milwaukee via Ford Fusion and will then be boarding my plane to Memphis, then getting on another flight which will take me to Los Angeles.
SO, my mother and grandmother and myself hopped into the car at a bustling 8am and hit the road. We stopped for lunch with my sister at The Horny Goat, where I ate myself into a painful stupor (it is only now subsiding).
After lunch they dropped me off at the terminal and I headed on in. I checked in, hit the bathroom, and headed to security and, eventually, my gate. I had no way of knowing that my trip from the bathroom to the gate would be so exciting.
First of all, it was a quick line to security, and I didn't have to wait long. I threw my stuff into one of those little binnie things and sent my suitcase through. I was then treated to a security person cutting in front of me to put his walkie talkie on the belt for the X-ray machine, then he promptly stood in front of me aimlessly before getting back to the wheelchair he was supposed to be attending to. So I went through the body scan thing, and then headed to retrieve my items. Keep in mind I had to pack my flask. I am on a budget people! Plus it's adorable, I had to bring it. Anyway, I get to the retrieval station and a lady comes bounding over with my suitcase asking, "who's pink suitcase is this??" I told her it was mine and she said there was a flask she needed to check out and something else. So she tries to unzip my suitcase and, you guessed it, the zipper is stuck. So she had me try to open it and I couldn't get it so we just unzipped what we could and she rummaged about for the questionable items. She checked the flask, which I had emptied and washed, said it was empty and put it back and then searched for the other items. I told her I had some deodorant and such in a smaller bag in there, so she checked that. She zipped up the suitcase and said, "did I put that flask back in there?" Indeed she had, so we unzipped everything again and found it where she had seen fit to stash it. She then went to have it rescanned. Everything was fine, obviously, since I had chosen to fly WITHOUT my explosives.
I then made my way to a small store to purchase a smart water and some eighty dollar gum. I walked to my gate, and since I have quite a while to wait, detected a nice secluded seat by the window. Literally no one else was seated nearby. Now believe me, I am aware I would not have been alone for long, however, the three seconds it took for intruders to arrive passed SO QUICKLY. Immediately upon me getting out my iPod two ladies walked up and sat down right by me. Two ladies, soon to be joined by a third, who have some pretty annoying voices and some pretty stupid useless stuff to say. I've now relocated and turned up my headphones. JUST INCASE any other VISITORS decide to join me. At least I had a good lunch! Oh and, you know, I'll be in LA tonight.