Can I touch his face?! PLEASE CAN I TOUCH HIS FACE?!!?

Brady Street Festival started off with some GIANT TITS.

 We made a stop at Art Smart's Dart Mart & Juggling Emporium. Just to see what we could find.

 I definitely need an extendable fork. DEFINITELY.

 We had heard that there was a cheese tasting that would be free happening at the festival. As we wandered trying to find it, we heard a man yelling, "FREE CHEESE HERE!!" And slipped in line. He was in front of us. He was also rambling to anyone who would listen about how non-pasturized beer is better for your body because the DNA in the beer tells the DNA in your body where to put the items it's receiving and your body doesn't have to think about it. We thought he was just going to talk to them, but then they left. So we were behind him. We weren't sure what to expect. But it made the line so much better.

 First of all, he had a stroller. An empty stroller with a beer in the cupholder. We weren't sure if he was homeless, because he didn't look dirty or anything, but he did look like he'd recently had a brush with some sort of violence, and, come on, he had an empty stroller. Hobos love strollers for storing their wares. I asked him, after some conversation about that beer issue, if the stroller was JUST a beer holder, he responded saying his girlfriend was breast feeding in the alleyway because she hadn't quite gotten the hang of boob out standing up in the public region.

 She eventually brought the baby back. Thee chillest baby in the world. She just stared at stuff, looked around, had a good time. The girlfriend wandered away after a while, then came back.

 Here he is! We later found out he had had a brush with a dirt bike crash, which explained the wound on his face. He also lifted up his shirt to show us the injuries in that region.

 Here's the sign for the cheese tasting.

 Charles informed us that he had an organic farm and he had some goats that he milked. He also told us that he, at one point, was milking so many goats that he couldn't move his arms, much less play his guitar. The.tamer asked if he could milk the cow, he obliged.

 And at one time, I turned around to see this hunk of BURNING love. He had a cane, which he is apparently scratching his back with in this photo. I snapped a picture just as he began walking away. Also, at one point, a man walked by with a huge bull dog with a scrunchy face. Charles screamed, "CAN I TOUCH HIS FACE?!?! PLEASE CAN I TOUCH HIS FACE?!?!" The man let him, and he screamed and squealed with delight the whole time the dog licked his face.

 This man in a batman shirt walked by once, and we called him batman. He walked by again, and Charles yelled, "Hey batman! Are you looking for someone?! You need help? I can help, I've got a great memory, if you tell me what they look like I can let them know you're looking for them if I see them." He said, "No....OH YEAH! I AM looking for someone!" Then he got in line for cheese with us. He then stated, "I saw this line and I was like WHAT?! FREE CHEESE! Man I gotta get in that line..and I knew I'd find a way to get in line and not at the back, and I did!" Um..Sorry batman, but that just isn't true. You were, in fact, wandering aimlessly in your red tear away pants and black batman t-shirt. However, you were not, in any way, attempting to get into the line, and I think you just got confused and then got in line with us without realizing it, and we let you stay because you were funny.

 FREE CHEESE! This booth had a bunch of vendors from Glorioso's Italian Market, and their cheeses were AMAZING.

 These were some beautifully sassy goat cheeses.

 And THIS was an amazing grilled cheese, the one on the left had jalopenos in it. I can't remember what kind of cheese it actually was anymore, since this happened six hundred years ago.

 At the end of the line there was a sign up sheet for a cheese curd eating contest. Re-read that. A CHEESE. CURD. EATING. CONTEST. I had to read the form twice. Good thing I did, because my first thought was, "Hell yeah I'm entering an eating contest!" I then came to my senses and decided not to ruin cheese curds for myself for the rest of my life. Charles and Batman, however, signed up eagerly. We wished them luck and bid them farewell. Such a great, cheesy day.