I don't have time to be sick, I'm busy watching this show on the JFK assassination

It's been five days.
Ok, first of all, I had a sore throat on Friday, so technically it's been seven days. Three of those days (the most recent days) have been spent sleeping until 2 or 3 PM trying to ward off this sickness, or perhaps to gain better breathing ability. For the past two days I literally could not breathe through my nose, and there was no hope for a break through.
I woke up this morning with an insane headache. That which I can only assume is from constantly blowing my nose and feeling like my head is going to explode. Every time I cough, it is extremely painful and I feel like my brain is being jostled an extreme amount.
WHY. WHY MUST THIS HAPPEN!? All I want to do is be able to sit up straight, wake up at a normal time, and breathe through my nose while I'm eating so it doesn't sound like a bulldozer is cruising through when I'm chewing. UGH. My LIFE. I've gone through three boxes of kleenex. Each time I blow my nose I then dutifully slather more vaseline on my nose to combat the pain. I'm really not having a good time.
I'm going to go back to watching the History Channel now. Learning about the Dead Sea Scrolls. Bein' a cool kid. The cool kid that I am.